Posted: June 28, 2012 at 5:00 pm

REALLY?! TEA Party Lawmaker: Returning Bison to Tribes Part of Communist Plot to Drive Gas to $25/gallon

TEA Partiers huddle at a GOP event, perhaps to discuss how glad they are that women aren’t present. Pictured are Eric Olsen (left), Rep. Krayton Kerns (center) and Congressman Dennis Rehberg (right)

A new conspiracy is afoot in the Big Sky, according to a TEA Party Republican state legislator.

TEA Party Republican Rep. Krayton Kerns (R-Laurel) has written on his website that returning bison to the Fort Peck Indian Reservation is part of a communist plot to “crush the Republic” and drive gas prices to $25/gallon. In case you’re one of the few people who doesn’t immediately grasp the obvious connection between bison and $25 gas, Kerns kindly explains how the plot will go down.

First, Walt Disney’s cartoon “Bambi” brainwashed the masses to the extent that “state sponsored worship of the earth and creation surpassed worship of our Creator.”

Returning wild bison to the Fort Peck reservation:

“is the second of a four step process to crush the republic and bring our populace into perfect dependence on big government—just as Karl Marx dreamed”

The third step in the Marxist plot, says Kerns, is that “bison will overpopulate” and soon “thousands” will be “ravaging” the area.

Finally, Kerns rationally concludes,

“The world’s economy will grind to a halt due to instability in the Middle East driving the price of gasoline over $25 per gallon.”

Read more about the conspiracy on Kern’s website. I’ve also got screenshots here, here, and here.

Rep. Kerns is outraged that wild, genetically pure bison have returned to tribal lands on the Great Plains. The move reunites American Indians with the iconic species that has been a fundamental part of their culture and the prairie ecosystem. I’m not sure how Kerns would explain the fact that gas prices have actually gone down since the bison were returned to Fort Peck.  

Sounding the alarm about this conspiracy will no doubt be a key component of the TEA Party’s message this fall.  How anyone could believe this stuff is a puzzle, but what the TEA Party lacks in intelligence, they more than make up in rage.    When a TEA Party candidate arrives at your door this fall to share their anger over this latest conspiracy, do not panic.  Simply hold up a book, which should make any tea baggers desirous of leaving your immediate vicinity. (It works like a crucifix on vampires.)

Rep. Kerns is the same TEA Party Republican that compared Georgetown law student Sandra Fluke to a rutting bulldog.  Sandra Fluke is the woman Rush Limbaugh called a slut for asking that since Viagra is covered by insurance, so should birth control.

82 comments

  1. Sammy

    This all makes perfect sense of course. Except for one thing. Karl Marx died 100 years before Bambi was made, so…Kearns must have left something out of his explanation. Did Marx rise from the dead? Was he reincarnated? Inquiring minds want to know. And if this is true, someone needs to be asking why Rep. Kearns would leave out these important facts. THAT my friends, may lead us to the REAL story here.

  2. larry kurtz

    Tear out the dams, extend the CM Russell Wildlife Refuge to Oacoma, South Dakota along the Missouri River and to Yellowstone then to the Yukon.

    Link them with willing tribes and through leases with private landowners.

    Connect Thunder Basin National Grassland in Wyoming to the Dakota Grasslands Conservation Initiative in North Dakota with national grasslands in Nebraska, Colorado, New Mexico and Oklahoma.

    Rewild the West.

    It’s only a coincidence that I’m a Marxist.

  3. Havre Voter

    This cow doctor has been kicked in the head one too many times. The fact that he makes our laws is an embarrassment to the state.

    • Norma Duffy AKA ILIKEWOODS

      Just in case someone took this wrong I meant us WHite, Latent ubran, and rural white folk need the Indians and the Buffalo, to stay sane!

      The Teapublicans, Gop, and Nutcases like this guy who do not want to promote Montana’s Nature, or historical connection to the state as Indigenous first owners ……….. like I said before…… Are optional!

      • Rob Kailey

        Norma, just saying, but my family is at least four generations rural, and not so white or latent urban. I’m not trying to cause a ruckus with you but you might not actually be in the position you think you are …

        Exactly what do you think is “optional” again?

        • Norma Duffy (@Ilikewoods)

          Sorry speaking in Nerd terms again. Latent urban: Any urban neighborhood that has the basic building blocks of success. A good place to move too, Take Dillon for example, or Butte, namely urban street shapes or an intact urban grid with developable urban land which is ready to improve again. Latent urbanites, people who move to an area, because it has future possibilites, wheather it is rural in nature or reviving again to a different business lifestyle. Also know as blank Canvas Urbs.

          We have a lot of people coming to our area from other urban areas in the country, because of the rural town features. closness to wilderness, so hence I use that term.

          Optional: Frig that last sentence was pretty screwed up on my part…..I Had to be doing two things at once when I wrote that, so since I didn’t phrase that right, let me phrase it again.

          “The Teapublicans, Gop, and Nutcases like this guy, Krayton Kerns, do not want to promote Montana’s Nature, or historical connection, they want it forgotten.

          The state has a Indigenous first owner who got it right about protecting wilderness. The connection between our tribes and nature, that has kept the Indians sane, is this bond to nature through the buffalo. As far a these GOP related nutcases think, that kind of sanity in todays GOP world of slash and burn is optional!”

  5. Rob Kailey

    There are many things I find cringe-worthy. When idiots who’ve never read Karl Marx tell people that his interest was in ‘big government’, well that’s near the top of that list.

    I also find it horribly ironic that the same company which gave us the tool of Marxism called “Bambi” has fostered more draconian rules of capitalist profit taking than most any other that can be named.

  6. captbobalou

    Breathtaking in it’s scope and conception. Mind blown. Must re-wire brain now.

  7. Jennifer Davies

    Oh. My. God. This is so delusional. Anyone who votes for these people should get his medication checked.

  9. Dan T.

    I challenge any state to demonstrate a greater number of legislators than Montana with this degree of stupidity–make no mistake, this is a contest no one should want to win, sadly I know we will. Mississippi has nothing on us. Argh

      • Polly

        Winch: v. to winch [wee-ahnch] Definition: To proclaim, after consuming a large amount of snack cakes without pause for water or breath, that they key tenant of the concept of “freedumb” is on the latter syllable, at a high volume. Dress in confederate garb is preferred.

        • Dan T.

          When TEA baggers come into contact with communist plots, the first thing they want to do is make out with pirates!

          • Havre Voter

            It’s only fair to include for those who missed it Kearns’ use of the word “winch”.

            Behold:

            Step One: Whether Walt Disney was a cause or an effect is uncertain, but his personification of animals allowed activists to gift Bambi rights equal to those endowed us by our Creator. Simultaneously and incrementally, government schools began promoting the religion of environmentalism until eventually state sponsored worship of the earth and creation surpassed worship of our Creator. (If that last sentence made you winch, you see how deeply idolatry has infected the American soul.)

  12. Dave

    This is literally one of the stupidest “conspiracies” I have ever heard. Kearns, with his rant, has only revealed himself as the source of the horse tranquilizers that addled the minds of GOP legislators throughout the entire 2011 Legislative session. I hearby dub Kearns with the nickname “Guano Pete”, in honor of the Governor’s description of the Bat Crap Crazy Republican Legislators of that year.

    Guano Boy? I’m open to suggestions, but Guano is just begging to be included.

    • Havre Voter

      If nicknames are under consideration, we must ask Larry Kralj for his input. For myself, I like something along the lines of Kray-Kray Krayton. If has the accurate KKK acronymability along with the cray-cray reference.

  13. Larry Kralj, Environmental Rangers

    As long as these assholes are given even the semblance of legitimacy, they will thrive in the Pubbie/Teatard party! And to help that effort along is jim strauss and the GF Spitoon, who recently added a new feature, a weekly column by one world class dumbass.

    Seems that some retired col., a guy named james v. DumbSchmit, whined and begged the Spitoon to allow him to write a weekly column to present the “military and conservative” side of things since the media is so heavily favored to the left as we all know.

    Well, how could strauss and the Spitoon resist? They couldn’t. Hence, we’re treated this week to col. james v. DumbSchmit’s belief that folks who believe the bison should be allowed on the reservation should be waterboarded! Yes, waterboarded. I kid you not.

    Brilliant, right? And THIS is what passes for enlightened debate at the Spitoon now. The man is a wormlike piece of shit. But so is the Spitoon for encouraging this shit. That’s where we’re at. Strauss should be real proud of his tenure at the Spitoon. Fostering the crazy is apparently the new job of the fourth estate!

  16. RLS45

    I just looked at this man’s homepage. We have got to DO SOMETHING ABOUT OUR SCHOOLS!!!

  17. Larry Kralj, Environmental Rangers

    Grab you ASS, Dopey Reeburp, ’cause it’s gettin’ kicked REAL good in the following on-line poll!

    http://www.bozemandailychronicle.com/opinions/poll_065987ce-be49-11e1-b9e6-0019bb2963f4.html

    Hell, Dopey, ain’t no place to HIDE in Montana, loser boy! Montanans have got your number, dude, and it’s a big ZERO! Where’s YOUR plan for health care, reetard? Where’s Dopeycare?? bwhahahahahhahahaaa!

    Keep hammerin’ home the fact that you want to UNDO the ONLY chance that MOST uninsured folks have to recieve health care! Damn you’re a moron, Dopey!

      • Larry Kralj, Environmental Rangers

        Dopey is a one man DEATH panel! He don’t WANT the FORTY-SIX MILLION uninsured AMERICANS to have what a simpleton dumbass like HE has! That’s our Dopey, health care for the fortunate, the lucky, and the RICH! Everyone else can just get sick and DIE! Oh but first, they can go bankrupt!

        That Dopey. What a dipshit of a man!

  19. Craig Moore

    In lieu of the daily anti-R nonsense, please pay attention to something critically important as Montana homes go up in flames: http://www.evergreenaviation.com/pdf/Supertanker_Statement_062912.pdf

    Date: 6/29/12
    Evergreen International Aviation Statement Concerning the Supertanker
    We felt compelled to release this statement due to the overwhelming amount of calls we have
    received concerning the availability of the Evergreen Supertanker. We at Evergreen are saddened
    by the fire devastation now taking place in many Western US states. For over 60 years, we have
    supported the US Forest Service in its important mission to battle and control fires, and it is our
    desire to continue this rich history of service. While our helicopters continue to work fires for the
    State of Alaska under State contracts, unfortunately, our Boeing 747 Supertanker Very Large Air
    Tanker (VLAT) aircraft awaits activation with the US Forest Service.
    We have never been told why we have not been activated by the US Forest Service, so we can
    only speculate as to why we face this outcome:
    1. We were offered a Call-When-Needed (CWN) contract a few years ago by the US Forest
    Service (proving our technical viability), but we were never called into action resulting in
    a multi-million dollar loss to our company as we were required to maintain and have
    flight crew available should we be called. The only contract that will sustain a VLAT
    program is an Exclusive-Use contract, which provides an income stream to sustain the
    program even if the asset is not utilized. We invested over $50M to develop this asset in
    the firm belief that we could better control fires as we proved in Israel and Mexico under
    CWN contracts that we could afford to offer at the time.
    2. There have been recent changes to the US Forest Service procurement policies. Today,
    only small businesses are eligible for contract awards concerning air tanker assets;
    Evergreen is not a small business and, therefore, is excluded from consideration for any
    award.
    3. The US Forest Service’s specification for Next Generation Air Tanker aircraft limits tank
    size to 5,000 gallons. The Supertanker’s tanks hold about 20,000 gallons, which is
    considered outside the USFS specification. The USFS just awarded contracts to four
    small businesses with aircraft equipped with these smaller tanks, and excluded the
    Evergreen Supertanker. Since World War II, tank capacities have been in the 3,000 to
    5,000 gallon range, yet we continue to face the growing threat from mega fires today. We
    believe the Supertanker represents an overwhelming response to this growing threat.
    Please contact your state representatives in Washington DC to demand an examination of their
    current procurement policies concerning VLAT aircraft. The US Forest Service says it best:
    “Only YOU can prevent wildfires.”
    Evergreen International Aviation, Inc. Tel: 503.472.9361 http://www.EvergreenAviation.com\

    Please encourage Rehberg, Baucus, and Tester to get this situation fixed.

    • Kenneth Kailey

      In a word, NO. Craig, did you even read the message you posted? This company is whining because they developed an asset that was clearly OUTSIDE the requirements of the forest service, managed to get a CWN contract with the Forest Service anyway and then got butthurt when they weren’t needed, are now requiring a priority contract with the Forest Service or they won’t play ball… but they are whining because the Forest Service won’t play ball….

      What the hell? Craig, this is utter nonsense. Does the Forest Service need more assets? Since my wife is currently dispatching (that means she is the one calling the manpower teams and equipment owners to get them to come) in Colorado, I can pretty much tell you that I know a few things about this. I find this company’s whining to be insulting and outright petulant. If they want to work with the Forest Service, then they can develop an asset that meets the Forest Services needs, not what they want the Forest Service to need.

      Where do you get these cause’s, Craig?

      I would also point out that the current Corporate attitude that we (as in the public) owe them something is part and parcel of the problem with America today.

  20. Craig Moore

    Kenneth, stop the BS. The Ashland fire is growing exponentially and destroying Montana homes. Meanwhile the Enola Gay of firefighting sits unused because of politics and special interests.

    • Larry Kralj, Environmental Rangers

      GIVE THEM BOYS A TIT! Hell, there’s ALWAYS room for one more teatard hog at the hated gubmint titty! Why not, right? These boys got a 747. Well, they deserve a BIG tit! I’m with you on this one, Craig. To HELL with all the naysayers who say that there’s too many pigs at the gubmint tit!

      BTW, I think the Russkies have a MUCH better plane!

      p.s. Touching that you have so many emotions for my friends in Ashland.

      • Craig Moore

        Larry, there are also many DC-10 tankers sitting idle. Hold jumped up Judas, don’t you guys give a shit for doing “everything possible” to protect the people from the ravages of forest/range fires and at least try??????

        • Craig Moore

          correction: s/b be “Holy” not Hold. I just don’t understand the mindset in not lending a digital shovel here to help Montanans facing total destruction from fire. Larry, I guess popping open a cool one is more important to you.

          • Larry Kralj, Environmental Rangers

            Well, actually, I have many friends down in Ashland and I talk to them daily. Their big concern is NOT property damage. It’s life. They do NOT want anyone injured. The land will be fine. Let the thing burn. The land is resilient like the Northern Cheyenne themselves. It’ll come back in twenty/thirty years. But they don’t want anyone injured.

            And as far as a cold one, YES! Is it that obvious? Been a long day, pardner, and a hot one too.

          • Kenneth Kailey

            Craig, the people who risk their lives everyday fighting those fires will continue to do it the same way they always have – with the gear, manpower, and equipment available to them. What is so insulting to me is that this company is trying to profiteer from their efforts and the situation. In case you missed it.. MY WIFE IS CURRENTLY WORKING A DAMN FIRE AND HAS BEEN FOR A WHILE NOW. I do understand what it takes and I am probably a hell of a lot more familiar with it than you are.

            You using phrases like “Montanans facing total destruction from fire” is simply propoganda. I am not saying that this asset wouldn’t be useful (especially now with over 55% of the countries arial firefighting equipment in Colorado where people are DYING). I am saying that this company’s profiteering is disgusting. I can’t even describe to you what I am feeling about you right since you don’t even have the excuse of profiteering.

    • Kenneth Kailey

      NO, Craig, you stop the Bullshit. You are toadying for a company that wants to profit on the emergency and you wailing to the wind to help them do it. That is the REAL bullshit. This is no different than the Teatards screaming “Think of the Children” when they want to sell you on the idea of guns in schools. Yes, it is big plane and yes, it would probably be useful. What you are failing to see is that the company wants to hold that asset as some kind of playing chip so they get some kind of sweetheart deal from the government to use it. Bullshit. They need to play by the rules like everyone else or they can try to eat their loss on the asset they developed KNOWING it was outside the boundries of what the Forest Service uses….

      • Craig Moore

        Kenneth, I don’t give a shit about Evergreen, I care about the unused 747 that could drop the “Big Boy” of fire response. I care about the unused DC-10′s that also sit idle. The Forest Service was obviously quite wrong as to it’s requirements and limiting contracts to the little guys. Just look at all the homes also lost at Colorado Springs. What is wrong with you people?????

        • Kenneth Kailey

          I will try one more time to explain this to your addled brain…

          I understand your argument. What I don’t understand is that you are using this situation as some kind of club to force people to your way of thinking. There is a name for that.. Profiteering.

          If you want to submit a proposal that is NOT profiteering, I might listen. If you want toady for a company that is butthurt that they can’t join the ballgame… for a kingly fee… than I am not interested.

  21. Kenneth Kailey

    Now that I have had a chance to have a smoke and drink some tea, I will respond to the small part of your message that actually wasn’t profiteering.

    Yes, the Forest Service (as well as the BLM and every other agency working on these fires) is woefully undermanned, undergeared and underequiped to handle the current fires and the ones likely to occur the rest of the summer if things don’t radically change with the weather. This is NOT a Forest Service problem, a BLM problem or even a profiteering problem I (though profiteering is a HUGE problem that I will get to later). The problem is that the funding for these agencies has been cut back so far, they simply can’t afford to man, equip or fight these fires without going severly in the red. The Forest Service budge for fighting fires is routinely broken on good years. On bad years, like this one, without a Federal Emergency being declared, there is no hope to man, equip or fight the fires that are burning, let alone the ones that are likely to burn.

    This is a serious situation that has to be addressed. What Congress is toying with is putting all fire fighting under the Dept of Homeland Insecurity. At least the budgeting concern goes away as that department appears to have pretty much an unlimited budget. I personally think that is a monumentally stupid idea but that is my own opinion. The BLM and Forest Service are the best agencies to handle these fires but to do so, they need the monetary resources to do it. You can’t expect them to do their job if you don’t give them enough money to do it.

    And that brings us back to profiteers. The company Craig is whining for is just one of the many examples of people trying to make a buck off these emergencies. It is no different than the contractors that agree to a contract with the Forest Service, but when the time comes to send the equipment to the fire, they try to renegotiate their contract with poor dispatcher just trying to get the equipment where the firefighters need it. This kind of Profiteering is everywhere. Craig’s company is no different.

    Would a big plane with 30,000 gallons of liquid be useful? Probably. I am not sure because I am not, personally, a firefighter and I haven’t been trained in the engineering of how to put one out. It sounds reasonable, but again, I am not the one setting the standards or engineering the responce to an incident. I would assume there are a lot of variables, though – things like how much of the water is dropped at a time, the safe flying altitude, the ability of the aircraft to deal with the turbulence of a fire.. things like that. What I do know (from talking to those that constantly fight fires) is that they tend to think helos are the most useful aircraft.

    The bottom line, though, is that you can’t come at us with a company that is seeking to profiteer off the emergency and then tell us we don’t care. Not only is that changing course in midstream, it is also simply stupid. If you can show some usefulness to a larger plane (say those grounded DC-10s) and you can show how the Forest Service can budget for them in their ever decreasing budget, I would be interested. Don’t insult my intellegence by trying to get me to feel sorry for a damn company that is trying to whine their way into a multimillion dollar contract, though.

    • Craig Moore

      Meanwhile Montana and Colorado burn, people die, and homes are destroyed. It’s not just Evergreen’s 747, DC-10′s but National Guard C-130′s. Too many special interests, tooooooo much red tape. Get the fucking job done. I don’t give a rats ass damn that some company may or may not make a profit. Don’t hold the people hostage to nonsense. Sort out the politics later.

      • Norma Duffy AKA ILIKEWOODS

        Craig, I spent some Time checking on your 747 today and the news isnt good, first of all it has to land to refuel and take in water or specialized water called Heavy water. Let me give you the closest places it can land. Washington state, and Calgary Canada. Thats why it isn’t being used here. the logistics for that plane alone would take a hundred people or more. and we have no place to land it Buddy!

        In the time it dumps one load and flys a minumum 600 miles to refuel and retank…. the bell helecoptors, air tractors, DC7-10s could toss twice the water, are probaly the best we have, and the fastest to return. Minimum Landing surface for a 747 when empty is 6000 feet. it needs more then twice that to take off when full( water is very heavy! The NASA shuttle landing facility in Florida has a 15,000*300 ft long rwy with a 1000 ft overrun on each side. A very full and heavy 747 tanker would need all of that to take off. Thats why it isn’t being used!

        There used to be a runway in Montana that was airforce. but I dont think it has been used since the 90′s and probably not wide enough for a 747.

    • Norma Duffy AKA ILIKEWOODS

      Rehberg and his cronies just put a deep hole in the budget of Dept of Homeland security last week in voting. they want know part of the US government to survive so corporations can step in.

      If you got a smart phone I highly suggest you all get the “Congress” App It will tell you which bills Our US Government officials voted yes and no on. And Rehberg and the Teapublican congress are doing everything they can to keep you unprotected from this climate change weather, terrorists, drug lords, and teaching your children in school.

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